I’m not going to make excuses...it’s been tough in my neck of the woods, so I haven’t felt like writing anything. Just the same old business, grieving and all of that, and it’s kind of exhausting. I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel is really, really long, and it’s just taking me longer to figure out how I’m going to keep moving than I thought it would. Just blech.

Anyway, something interesting has happened, so I thought I’d share. I have been on a diet forever. Like, seriously, FOREVER. My first preventative diet started when I was eight, and that’s when I got fat, and I’ve been there ever since.

Food and I are very complicated together. Definitely a love/hate relationship.

So I’ve been on this new eating plan since June, and at first I did well. I lost about five pounds, but then that was it. And the scale was steadfastly holding at around the same weight range. This new way of eating is all about being healthy and not counting calories, but I was still journaling my food, because when I don’t do that, I tend to balloon, and nobody wants to have to buy me new pants. Just, no.

I really want to be healthy. It’s important to me. This whole experience with my mom has shown me how important our bodies are, and if I crap mine up, I can’t buy a new one. And it’s really not that fun to treat it unkindly all of the time.

I follow a lot of people on Instagram who have “unconventional” figures and are just happy with themselves and not full of self-loathing and wanting to be thin above everything else, and it’s making me think that maybe punishing myself for being fat isn’t working. Maybe I should focus on being healthy, whether or not the scale is moving. I can’t just automatically decide that I’m okay with my chub, but I can decide that being punitive with food and exercise isn’t the way to go. Plus, it’s not working anymore. My metabolism is shot.

So when we got back from our trip, at the beginning of this month, I didn’t weigh myself and start right back in at 1,000 calories a day to get back in. I just cut out all of the sugar and ate a lot of vegetables and very little carbs. And for Thanksgiving, I ate what I wanted, plus one piece of pie, and then no more sugar again.

This morning, I woke up and decided it was now or never time.

I pulled out the scale, got on it, and I have lost three pounds this month. I LOST WEIGHT. Holy crap. And it’s my lowest weight in over a year. Not by much; I’m talking by like half a pound, but I really thought I’d get on that bad boy and it would just flip me the bird and tell me I’d gained a gazillion pounds and I needed to go back to counting, plus, not eat the rest of the week.

It didn’t, though. Shocking.

At any rate, it’s interesting, so I thought I’d share. Something good, for a change.