Does everybody know what a bunion is? I thought I did, but I was way off. Now I know, though.

How? I HAVE ONE.

Not the normal kind, either, on the big toe joint. Nope, I have to be a weirdo and have what is known as a ‘tailor’s bunion’ or ‘bunionette’ on my pinky toe joint. Don’t let the name fool you, this mofo hurts. Well, it did hurt. I iced it for an hour yesterday, so it doesn’t really hurt today, but yesterday morning, when I woke up and it was there in all its full swollen glory, it was pretty painful.

See, I’ve been wearing pointy toed flats and heels to work, and I think that’s what did it, because most of my flats used to be round and I have been wearing this one particularly pointy pair lately because they’re just so pretty. And heels, because if I wear a shorter dress with flats, I feel like it makes my legs look extra chunky.

This bunion is not pretty, though, so now I’m clearing out all the offending shoes. I mean it. No more heels.It basically looks like a ginormous tumor on the outside of my foot. Seriously. I almost don’t want to wear sandals until it goes down, except then my feet would be hot and I hate that even more than I hate the alien life form that has taken over my little toe joint. Jerk.

I would punch it, except it’s me so I’d just be punching myself.

I know I should also really just jump in to the orthopedic shoes and be done with it, but that makes my heart sad. For reals.

40. Bunions. What’s next, life?