Alright. This is the last day.

The last day that I can say, "A year ago, I had a Mom."

The last day that I can remember that last year at this time, I was trying to help my Mom die.

The last day.

Kind of ironic that it's on Good Friday...this Good Friday is definitely feeling somber in my neck of the woods. But I guess it's also a pretty potent reminder to have hope that I'll get to be with my Mom again, even if it's different, and even if it's not the way I want it to be.

This has definitely been the least sweet, the least gentle, the least kind year of my life.

Slowly climbing out may be the worst part.

EW.

This always makes me think of her, though, and it's very beautiful. Just because things make you ugly cry and get boogers all over your face and just because sometimes you hear snippets of the beautiful things without any warning while you're at work so all of that happens in front of others and you have to pretend to have a coughing fit and then run to the bathroom to be presentable and also avoid getting drippy goodness all over your paperwork....just because of all of that, it doesn't mean you shouldn't put the beautiful things on your blog so you can listen to it anytime you feel like repeating said performance, no matter where you might be.

Ugh. Purcell, you're killing me.

So I officially work with all skinny people, and it has made me realize that I’m not normal.

I’ve almost always had another chubby person in any office situation, but this time I’m on my own, and I just realized yesterday that none of them, nay, not a one, is on a diet. Nope.

And they all eat like crap. Well, mostly.

Even the healthy ones eat like crap. So what I want to know is, why do they get to eat like crap and be skinny, whilst I’m over there with my cucumbers and Greek yogurt, being all chunky and whatnot?

Best argument for diets being ridiculous EVER.

Also, I’ve been concentrating on my health and exercising a normal, non-psycho amount along with eating tons of vegetables and stuff but not counting calories or trying to lose weight. Just aiming for health. And I check the scale periodically because I can’t always help it. And it’s going down. Still. After not dieting for like 6 months or something.

Not dieting is actually working better than dieting. But I still have to eat healthy if I don’t want to have to buy new pants.

What?

I still don’t drink sodas and I don’t eat sugar except on very rare celebratory occasions when I’m forced to because, come on, it’s a birthday. Or a holiday. Or I had a rough week.

Okay, maybe I’m still working on that whole “Food is a Reward” thing. No one’s perfect.

At any rate, this ‘no one dieting’ situation is very interesting. I’ll keep you posted.