Well, this is my 100th post. I'm almost tempted to stop blogging here, because, really, 100 is a great number, but maybe I won't. We'll see how I feel about it tomorrow.
As I've been loading our hundreds and hundreds of CDs onto our computer, I keep coming across CDs that we purchased only to be completely underwhelmed, and irritated that we spent $15 or so on a CD with only one good song on it (thank goodness we now have iTunes, even though it's sort of killing the music industry and ruining the whole concept of an album...I won't even start on that one). It gets me thinking about how crazy it makes me that we've decided that songwriters have to be performers, and vice-versa.
Why is it necessary for someone who is really good at writing lyrics to be good at composing the music to go with them? Is it so ridiculous that someone could be an amazing singer and have no talent for arranging? Pavarotti never wrote any of the stuff he sang, and everyone liked him pretty well. Elton John has his Bernie Taupin. What's wrong with that?
I totally see the value of multi-tasking. There are definitely people who can do it all. I get that we want people to be multi-faceted, and we want the most for our money, but this is art; no one should be expected to be as great at writing as he is at singing, or composing, or arranging.
It makes me want to scream every time I hear the comment, "Yeah, she's got a good voice, but she doesn't even write her own music." Really? First of all, I don't write my own music, either. Does that, in some way, diminish what I do? Does that make the hours I spend at the keyboard, trying to perfect each little note, meaningless or even worth less than the 15 minutes some pop musician took to record a track, because he's a great songwriter but can't sing a note so they'll just go over it with Auto-Tune and he'll be fine?
I think not.
I think that mindset is absolute crap.
I'm glad the music industry is tanking. Maybe we'll get some new people in there, with new ideas and a better appreciation of what it is to be an artist. Britney Spears is no artist. She's a glorified prostitute, but with lower moral standards. Think about it: If she gained fifty pounds or started wearing turtlenecks to hide her lady bits, there's no way she could sell an album, right? Yeah. And, unlike real working girls, she doesn't even have the integrity to admit that that's what she's doing, and she doesn't work half as hard for her money. Plus, her voice is, at least to me, like nails on a chalkboard. Baby-talk is highly unattractive, especially in singing form.
We all need to realize that writing lyrics and writing music are completely different art forms, and requiring a person to be as good at one as she is at the other is like requiring a painter to do equally well running an art gallery, or wanting a children's book author to be able to direct a movie based upon one of her books. It's ridiculous. We're encouraging mediocre talents to do a mediocre job at putting out a bunch of mediocre music. It's not realistic, and it's insulting to those of us who spend a great deal of time on our instruments and our craft. It's catering to the lowest common denominator.
Plus, it means that I have about seventy-five CDs that only have one good song each, and that just irritates the heck out of me. At $15 each, with 9 crap songs on each CD, that's like I threw away over $1000.
Okay, so really, that's what it's all about. Argh.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Yesterday, something monumentous (that's a combination of momentous and monumental; it's called a portmanteau...look it up) happened: I had to talk to a guy on the phone!
Okay, that doesn't sound that exciting, but if I mention that he had me on speakerphone and he was using the bathroom (I'm not talking about tinkling, either), does that sound little more shocking?
Yeeeaaaaahhhhh.
This guy calls me to change an appointment time, and I keep offering him openings. All the while I'm hearing toilets flush and water running, so I'm guessing he's calling from a bathroom. It's only when he starts talking funny and pausing a little that I guess what's actually going on is that he's using the bathroom while talking to me. I think that maybe he was trying to multi-task, but no one ever told him that speakerphone is not a good idea when you're, you know, taking care of business.
I think the kicker was when he actually...um...went, and he made a little, "Ah!" sort of sound. Why did I need to hear this? Why did I need to hear any of this? It was a pretty long call, I'd say about five minutes, so I think I must've been there for the majority of his bathroom visit. Is his time so important that he can't just wait to call me until he's finished? Or could he maybe have not put me on speakerphone? I mean, maybe he was grabbing onto something and pushing for dear life, but I didn't need to hear it. Plus, he should have some kind of headset for when he's driving and needs to use his cell phone (he probably doesn't want to be unsafe and talk while driving, though).
Talk about unsafe.
I was in shock for about 15 minutes after I got off of the phone. I was also proud that I didn't, even once, say anything along the lines of, "Who does Number Two work for?" or, "Hey, partner, have a good one!" (from the toilet scene from Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery). I'm guessing that this means I'm an adult.
Come to think of it, though, I am devoting an entire page of my blog to the event, so maybe I'm not as grown up as that. Oh, well. I leave you with the aforementioned bathroom scene. If you don't find bodily function humor funny, you won't enjoy it at all; however, I'm guessing that if that's the case, you won't have made it through this whole post, anyway. So there.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BC8dL8_80YM
Okay, that doesn't sound that exciting, but if I mention that he had me on speakerphone and he was using the bathroom (I'm not talking about tinkling, either), does that sound little more shocking?
Yeeeaaaaahhhhh.
This guy calls me to change an appointment time, and I keep offering him openings. All the while I'm hearing toilets flush and water running, so I'm guessing he's calling from a bathroom. It's only when he starts talking funny and pausing a little that I guess what's actually going on is that he's using the bathroom while talking to me. I think that maybe he was trying to multi-task, but no one ever told him that speakerphone is not a good idea when you're, you know, taking care of business.
I think the kicker was when he actually...um...went, and he made a little, "Ah!" sort of sound. Why did I need to hear this? Why did I need to hear any of this? It was a pretty long call, I'd say about five minutes, so I think I must've been there for the majority of his bathroom visit. Is his time so important that he can't just wait to call me until he's finished? Or could he maybe have not put me on speakerphone? I mean, maybe he was grabbing onto something and pushing for dear life, but I didn't need to hear it. Plus, he should have some kind of headset for when he's driving and needs to use his cell phone (he probably doesn't want to be unsafe and talk while driving, though).
Talk about unsafe.
I was in shock for about 15 minutes after I got off of the phone. I was also proud that I didn't, even once, say anything along the lines of, "Who does Number Two work for?" or, "Hey, partner, have a good one!" (from the toilet scene from Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery). I'm guessing that this means I'm an adult.
Come to think of it, though, I am devoting an entire page of my blog to the event, so maybe I'm not as grown up as that. Oh, well. I leave you with the aforementioned bathroom scene. If you don't find bodily function humor funny, you won't enjoy it at all; however, I'm guessing that if that's the case, you won't have made it through this whole post, anyway. So there.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BC8dL8_80YM
Monday, June 18, 2012
Your Personal Guide to Internet Safety
Yes, folks, I've decided that it's time to share my vast knowledge of internet safety with you. What inspired this post? Well, I came into work this morning and none of the computers were working, and a bizarre flashing page with expletives on it was up on the main machine, so I know someone clicked on something they shouldn't have. This isn't what cause the malfunction, as it was on a different server, but it could've caused a problem.
Am I annoyed? A wee bit. So here we go!
1. Never click on anything that even resembles an ad. NEVER. If it's on the border of your page, it's probably junk of some sort. Just don't click on it. If you want to look at a particular product, go to amazon.com and look for it. They have everything.
2. Never download anything onto a work computer. Just don't. You don't want that screen saver/game/funny picture, I promise. At least, you don't want it badly enough to download some kind of virus along with your diversion that takes down your boss's whole system and requires a visit from a computer guy. Then you'll have to explain what you were doing looking at pictures of Angelina Jolie's new lips and why you were playing Tetris when your time card clearly shows that you were supposed to be working. Yikes.
3. Don't use my computer for any reason, unless I have approved of you and your germs. I don't want them. I realize this has nothing to with keeping your computer safe; this is more of a personal safety issue. YOUR personal safety.
4. Be aware that anyone can make a realistic looking logo. It's very easy. Just because an ad or a webpage looks like it's legit doesn't mean you should click on it and/or purchase something from it. Your bank account will, mostly likely be cleaned out. It happens all of the time, and I promise that I will laugh at you behind your back if this happens to you. I realize it's not funny; I feel that mockery is the most effective way for me to teach other people life-lessons.
5. Finally, since you are on a work computer, realize that most of us have, at one time or another, been on a site that required us to enter a password. When you compromise our server, you are compromising all of the sensitive information on the system, including info belonging to other people. If you don't feel comfortable differentiating between legitimate links and potential virus-containing links, you should just not click on them. Or don't use the internet. Your call.
Do you get it now? The overall theme of this page is, "Don't Click on That Link!" You are putting everyone else's info at risk, not to mention potentially sensitive information from your job. Plus, if any of my accounts get hacked into because of your slip-up, I will totally take you out to the parking lot and we'll have to throw down.
Those are the rules, and yes, someone did die and make me boss. Deal.
Yes, folks, I've decided that it's time to share my vast knowledge of internet safety with you. What inspired this post? Well, I came into work this morning and none of the computers were working, and a bizarre flashing page with expletives on it was up on the main machine, so I know someone clicked on something they shouldn't have. This isn't what cause the malfunction, as it was on a different server, but it could've caused a problem.
Am I annoyed? A wee bit. So here we go!
1. Never click on anything that even resembles an ad. NEVER. If it's on the border of your page, it's probably junk of some sort. Just don't click on it. If you want to look at a particular product, go to amazon.com and look for it. They have everything.
2. Never download anything onto a work computer. Just don't. You don't want that screen saver/game/funny picture, I promise. At least, you don't want it badly enough to download some kind of virus along with your diversion that takes down your boss's whole system and requires a visit from a computer guy. Then you'll have to explain what you were doing looking at pictures of Angelina Jolie's new lips and why you were playing Tetris when your time card clearly shows that you were supposed to be working. Yikes.
3. Don't use my computer for any reason, unless I have approved of you and your germs. I don't want them. I realize this has nothing to with keeping your computer safe; this is more of a personal safety issue. YOUR personal safety.
4. Be aware that anyone can make a realistic looking logo. It's very easy. Just because an ad or a webpage looks like it's legit doesn't mean you should click on it and/or purchase something from it. Your bank account will, mostly likely be cleaned out. It happens all of the time, and I promise that I will laugh at you behind your back if this happens to you. I realize it's not funny; I feel that mockery is the most effective way for me to teach other people life-lessons.
5. Finally, since you are on a work computer, realize that most of us have, at one time or another, been on a site that required us to enter a password. When you compromise our server, you are compromising all of the sensitive information on the system, including info belonging to other people. If you don't feel comfortable differentiating between legitimate links and potential virus-containing links, you should just not click on them. Or don't use the internet. Your call.
Do you get it now? The overall theme of this page is, "Don't Click on That Link!" You are putting everyone else's info at risk, not to mention potentially sensitive information from your job. Plus, if any of my accounts get hacked into because of your slip-up, I will totally take you out to the parking lot and we'll have to throw down.
Those are the rules, and yes, someone did die and make me boss. Deal.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Tomorrow is my 34th birthday. I'm curious as to how much longer I'll be comfortable saying my age out loud, in public. I hope I'll never be embarrassed about it, but you never know. My mom has always been cool with whatever age she's at. I remember her 40th birthday party, and thinking, "Wow! We're going to have to put her in a home soon."
40 doesn't seem so old anymore.
Actually, every year I seem to alter my definition of the different categories of age. Now, middle age doesn't start until 45. I'm much more comfortable with that. Old age doesn't begin until 80, so I've got a long way to go, plus I don't like thinking of my parents as being old. It creeps me out.
It makes me wonder if being old was always something dreaded and avoided, or if we were ever able to just accept the fact that everybody does it, and the alternative is being dead, which isn't exactly easy on your body either.
I say this, knowing full well that I will look at my wrinkles in the mirror the next time I go into the bathroom and despair.
Why can I not have some fricking pigment in my skin? I'm so pale and my skin is so dry that I had crow's feet by my eyes when I was in my late teens. Seriously. I've mended the huge frown line in the middle of my forehead with a lot of moisture and a conscious effort not to furrow my brow when I'm thinking deep thoughts (which is all the time...I don't just have fart jokes running around up there 24/7...okay, maybe I do, but let me pretend that I'm thinking about world peace or the cure for some disease), but the eye lines just will not budge.
I try to think that my wrinkles come from my grandma, who is probably the coolest lady around, so that's not a bad thing. My big hands and ape-arms come from my grandpa on my dad's side, so I don't mind them at all (well, maybe a little, but not as much as the pruny action on my face). Why can I not accept the wrinkles in the same way?
Aw, who am I kidding? The wrinkles, the arms, everything bothers me. Except this year will be different. Not only have I become a better person through being positive and not worrying so much about everything, but this year, my age is an even number. I love even numbers. They are divisible by two.
Okay, so maybe I'm not actually a better, less neurotic person. Maybe I'm just trying to be, and the trying itself is the part that matters, right? Sure it is. Plus, I get presents and cake and I'm going away for the weekend on a surprise trip with my wonderful husband, who knows how much I love surprises.
And cake. Did I mention cake? I'm pretty sure I did, but I think cake is worth two mentions. Oh, and wine. Wine is also worth two mentions.
I am going to gain about 50 pounds between now and Monday. Awww yeah!
40 doesn't seem so old anymore.
Actually, every year I seem to alter my definition of the different categories of age. Now, middle age doesn't start until 45. I'm much more comfortable with that. Old age doesn't begin until 80, so I've got a long way to go, plus I don't like thinking of my parents as being old. It creeps me out.
It makes me wonder if being old was always something dreaded and avoided, or if we were ever able to just accept the fact that everybody does it, and the alternative is being dead, which isn't exactly easy on your body either.
I say this, knowing full well that I will look at my wrinkles in the mirror the next time I go into the bathroom and despair.
Why can I not have some fricking pigment in my skin? I'm so pale and my skin is so dry that I had crow's feet by my eyes when I was in my late teens. Seriously. I've mended the huge frown line in the middle of my forehead with a lot of moisture and a conscious effort not to furrow my brow when I'm thinking deep thoughts (which is all the time...I don't just have fart jokes running around up there 24/7...okay, maybe I do, but let me pretend that I'm thinking about world peace or the cure for some disease), but the eye lines just will not budge.
I try to think that my wrinkles come from my grandma, who is probably the coolest lady around, so that's not a bad thing. My big hands and ape-arms come from my grandpa on my dad's side, so I don't mind them at all (well, maybe a little, but not as much as the pruny action on my face). Why can I not accept the wrinkles in the same way?
Aw, who am I kidding? The wrinkles, the arms, everything bothers me. Except this year will be different. Not only have I become a better person through being positive and not worrying so much about everything, but this year, my age is an even number. I love even numbers. They are divisible by two.
Okay, so maybe I'm not actually a better, less neurotic person. Maybe I'm just trying to be, and the trying itself is the part that matters, right? Sure it is. Plus, I get presents and cake and I'm going away for the weekend on a surprise trip with my wonderful husband, who knows how much I love surprises.
And cake. Did I mention cake? I'm pretty sure I did, but I think cake is worth two mentions. Oh, and wine. Wine is also worth two mentions.
I am going to gain about 50 pounds between now and Monday. Awww yeah!
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Perhaps it would be good if everybody just knew how to do everything. That way, I would be free to do my baking and crafts and whatnot. But that might also mean that everyone else would be better than me at everything, and I don't know if I could take that kind of a situation.
I don't have a ton of self-esteem, and I don't imagine that I know everything, but I do have things that I feel comfortable with, and even slightly proud of, and I think it would be a terrible blow to my already fragile little ego if everyone else was comfortable and good with them, as well.
For instance: I am a great speller. I have always been a great speller, and it's not something I worked at. It was a gift. Of course, computers with spell-check weren't in common usage when I was born, so that gift is pretty useless now except when someone's writing a note or something and doesn't have a computer handy. Then I get to be the dancing monkey.
I am also VERY good at making up alternate dialogue to movies, TV shows, songs, and pretty much anything that could have different words. This gift mainly comes in handy when I'm alone, because for some reason, people find it annoying when they're trying to watch a movie and I'm talking over the actors. Go figure. I think I'm terribly funny and they can all kiss my patootie.
I realize both of my skills are pretty limited in scope, but they're mine and I find them amusing. If everyone else in the world was good at those things, I'd probably feel pretty sad. Everyone would be talking over the film at the movies, and I'd probably be telling them to shut up, since another one of my skills is being a curmudgeon.
So maybe it's good that we're not all good at everything. I don't know. It's awfully early in the morning and I just couldn't think of anything else to talk about. Coming up with good blog topics is definitely not one of my skills.
I don't have a ton of self-esteem, and I don't imagine that I know everything, but I do have things that I feel comfortable with, and even slightly proud of, and I think it would be a terrible blow to my already fragile little ego if everyone else was comfortable and good with them, as well.
For instance: I am a great speller. I have always been a great speller, and it's not something I worked at. It was a gift. Of course, computers with spell-check weren't in common usage when I was born, so that gift is pretty useless now except when someone's writing a note or something and doesn't have a computer handy. Then I get to be the dancing monkey.
I am also VERY good at making up alternate dialogue to movies, TV shows, songs, and pretty much anything that could have different words. This gift mainly comes in handy when I'm alone, because for some reason, people find it annoying when they're trying to watch a movie and I'm talking over the actors. Go figure. I think I'm terribly funny and they can all kiss my patootie.
I realize both of my skills are pretty limited in scope, but they're mine and I find them amusing. If everyone else in the world was good at those things, I'd probably feel pretty sad. Everyone would be talking over the film at the movies, and I'd probably be telling them to shut up, since another one of my skills is being a curmudgeon.
So maybe it's good that we're not all good at everything. I don't know. It's awfully early in the morning and I just couldn't think of anything else to talk about. Coming up with good blog topics is definitely not one of my skills.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
In my quest to become the ultimate baker, I have a acquired a new tool:
Isn't it just the prettiest thing you've ever seen? I love it so much, I am going to make stuff with it right away, to compensate for six months of using an old tiny mixer that has started to make loud grunting noises at me whenever I try to mix anything with more substance than cake batter. Seriously. I made muffins yesterday, and it was whining even before I put in the flour (yes, I'm lazy and I mix the wet ingredients in muffins with a mixer...I know that's not the preferred method, but my muffins come out just fine, so deal). My good mixer has long been gone to a better home and the one I received as a gift (that was supposed to be an upgrade but broke immediately after I gave my good mixer away and turned the new one on) has been sitting on a shelf in my garage, unable to be fixed.
So I've been using an old hand-me-down to fill in the gap while I tried to find a way to afford one of these bad boys (I got a great deal on it at Costco, in the warehouse, but it still hurt). I have a lot of trouble making large purchases, due to my indecisiveness and inability to decide if it's really worth that many hours of work. Plus, the old one really is just fine. It's quite small and makes for a lot of extra cleanup because it leaks gear oil and you have to constantly bang the pin that holds the top part on back into place and it gets stuck on the base so I have to leave the dirty bowl on there for my husband to remove with a strap wrench when he gets home. Other than that, it works okay. It's just that since I use it about five times per week, it gets a little tedious having to deal with all of those issues plus having to do everything in smaller batches because the bowl is close to half the size of the bowl I'm used to working with. Yes, I am whining. I realize I could mix this stuff by hand, but then we'd be eating Chips Ahoy instead of homemade cookies, now, wouldn't we?
This totally is worth it, though. I've been agonizing for three weeks or so, waiting to buy it until I felt like it was the right time. When we saw it on that shelf at Costco yesterday, all shiny and $70 cheaper than it had been online, we knew it was time.
This is the best week ever. EVER. Maybe that means my priorities are skewed, or maybe it's just the happy spilling over from all of the good things that have been happening lately, or it could even be that my birthday (which is coming up on Saturday, for those of you who are interested...I accept checks, money orders or gifts from amazon.com) is making me in a better mood than usual. Whatever.
I'm off to mix stuff. Gourmet, fancy stuff (or cake).
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Why, oh why, is everything someone else's fault?
So you get to work late and it's not your fault because you got stuck in traffic. Your kids act out in school but it's not your fault that you don't have enough time to spend with them because you have to work so much. Your house is full of a bunch of crap because you don't have the time or inclination to throw anything away, but that's not your fault because you're just too exhausted/emotionally attached/busy to get rid of anything or clean up after yourself.
I think if I hear the phrase, "It's not my fault!" one more time, I'm going to go all the way to insane. It's not that far from here.
I'm not trying to say that I have no faults. I do, and just as many or more than everyone else. The difference is this: It IS my fault. I acknowledge, accept and embrace it (probably a little too much, but that's what cake is for).
I am fat because I've eaten too much and not exercised enough my whole life. I am tired for the same reasons, plus the fact that I've decided I need to read my book instead of going to sleep at night. I have less money than I would like because I chose to go into a field I love, rather than taking a full-time job that would pay much more. I will take the blame for that every time.
Can we all just ban the phrase, "It's not my fault!"?
You notice I put an exclamation mark in there. The indignant nature of the statement kind of demands that extra oomph at the end.
I'm not saying we should all be self-hating or anything like that. I just wish we could all be grown-ups (those of us who are grown-ups) and admit our mistakes and problems without trying to find someone else to share in the blame. (If you're nine, you can disregard this. Go ahead and blame other people. That's part of being a kid. If you have a sibling, it's kind of the law that you have to blame them for every bad thing that happens. This prepares you for life in the workplace.)
I think I'm going to go around taking all the blame for everybody today. I will revel in my martyr-ness and be the bad guy. Maybe it will make me a better person and I can actually learn from situations that suck, rather than just saying, "It's not my fault!" and choosing to disregard the problem that caused the issue in the first place. Or maybe it will just add to my smug sense of self-satisfaction and moral superiority. You know, whatever.
Where did people grumble before blogs? This is fantastic.
So you get to work late and it's not your fault because you got stuck in traffic. Your kids act out in school but it's not your fault that you don't have enough time to spend with them because you have to work so much. Your house is full of a bunch of crap because you don't have the time or inclination to throw anything away, but that's not your fault because you're just too exhausted/emotionally attached/busy to get rid of anything or clean up after yourself.
I think if I hear the phrase, "It's not my fault!" one more time, I'm going to go all the way to insane. It's not that far from here.
I'm not trying to say that I have no faults. I do, and just as many or more than everyone else. The difference is this: It IS my fault. I acknowledge, accept and embrace it (probably a little too much, but that's what cake is for).
I am fat because I've eaten too much and not exercised enough my whole life. I am tired for the same reasons, plus the fact that I've decided I need to read my book instead of going to sleep at night. I have less money than I would like because I chose to go into a field I love, rather than taking a full-time job that would pay much more. I will take the blame for that every time.
Can we all just ban the phrase, "It's not my fault!"?
You notice I put an exclamation mark in there. The indignant nature of the statement kind of demands that extra oomph at the end.
I'm not saying we should all be self-hating or anything like that. I just wish we could all be grown-ups (those of us who are grown-ups) and admit our mistakes and problems without trying to find someone else to share in the blame. (If you're nine, you can disregard this. Go ahead and blame other people. That's part of being a kid. If you have a sibling, it's kind of the law that you have to blame them for every bad thing that happens. This prepares you for life in the workplace.)
I think I'm going to go around taking all the blame for everybody today. I will revel in my martyr-ness and be the bad guy. Maybe it will make me a better person and I can actually learn from situations that suck, rather than just saying, "It's not my fault!" and choosing to disregard the problem that caused the issue in the first place. Or maybe it will just add to my smug sense of self-satisfaction and moral superiority. You know, whatever.
Where did people grumble before blogs? This is fantastic.
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